WARNING: THIS POST MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR SOME READERS
Added 6/17/10: I am enjoying reading your comments about this, thanks to all who have written! I think though that I need to clarify something that may not be understood. I get it...I really and truly do...that kids are having sex at younger and younger ages. I get the need to educate where parents don't do there job. I also agree that someone has to do the job, and if it is in school it will be essentially valueless due to the fairness of acknowledging that people have different value systems they operate under.
What we are talking about here though is NOT education, it is invasion of privacy. And I am still not sure it is OK for a teacher or school to ask questions of a very personal nature of any child of any age, when the same question posed by anyone outside the system would lead to an investigation by authorities. I guess I may be the only one disturbed by this seeming double standard, which is why I wondered what others' opinions were on the subject.
And for all that we know does go on in schools and at ever increasingly younger ages...there ARE still children at 10, 11 and 12 IN public schools who are not as sexually aware.
I guess too that part of my frustration with this is directed towards the irresponsible parents who abdicate responsibility for the education of their children about sex to the schools, and that effects every single child there, even those whose parents DO care and will do their jobs.
I'll still say that if my kids were ever asked such questions, I would raise Holy-You-Know-What and be madder than a hornet. Looking at Matthew, just turned 12, and I am ever so greatful that he and Angela and Kenny and Olesya are not ignorant of the existence of such activity, but are blissfully still deeply emerged in childhood, as they should be. WIsh it were so for every other kid in the world. It is easy to see how we as a society fail in a million ways to protect our kids...to support failing families...to support those in need of role models.
So what do we do about it? Education alone will not change it, folks. And that is not a comment against the sexual education of our kids. Just a recognition that it takes a whole lot more. It takes kids not yearning for love they don't get at home, it takes kids who know who they are and have confidence in themselves...not false confidence but a deeply rooted sense of self. It takes families passing on values which are wholesome and healthy. It takes having a safety net.
I guess, what I am saying is, that it takes a village. But it also takes a strong family. The village may have to find better ways to support those failing families so they can become stronger.
OK, 'nuff said. I need to "chew" on this some more!
Below is the post:
We, as a culture, have gone too far. I am totally convinced of it.
I just read online about the Massachussetts middle school that asked 7th and 8th graders graphic and explicit questions about their sexual behavior, including questions about oral sex. Pardon me for being so graphic myself with this post, but I simply don't get it.
Here is a link to the article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/16/arlene-tessitore-school-sex-survey_n_878318.html
I take issue with this for two reasons. First of all, is the insanity of our societal expectations and perspectives about sex. Please, will someone tell me why it is aceptable for a public school to ask our 10, 11 and 12 year old students questions of such a graphic sexual nature...but if a stranger came up to them on the street and asked the very same question that stranger would be labeled a pedophile and branded a sex offender for the remainder of their lives. I can guarantee you that if some guy came up to my kid at our weekly street fair tonight and asked them if they engaged in oral sex...as this survey in school did...I would have him arrested immediately.
So why is it ok for teachers to ask these questions under the guise of "education"? And why in the world doesn't anyone on the faculty see this as clearly offensive?
My second issue with this is one most will probably not find as important, but I certainly think it is. Here is where my Libertarian leanings might come out. What right does any school official or teacher have to ask such questions even if only on the grounds of rights to privacy? Since when did it become a school's job to monitor a child's sexual behavior? Does a child of this age have the understanding of privacy issues and how revealing certain kinds of information may follow them later on in ways they might one day regret? Even if they did, would they feel obligated to answer a survey or would they feel comfortable enough to stand up for their rights and opt out?
I am outraged, and I remember feeling violated myself when we were going through our adoption homestudies and found that a new questionairre was being required which asked intimate questions about our sexual activitiy. At least I could understand why we were being asked such things, as there are predators who try to adopt so they can have a victim to abuse...but I still didn't like it. However, we were given no choice, and I still contend that any adult who has half an ounce of sense would know how to answer such questions to evade suspicion.
But a child???
Don't get me wrong, our family is probably even more open about sexuality than many ore, having had many discussions in our home about various topics. The difference? It is in our home, it is not valueless, and my kids will not have anything private about their sexual activity on file in some school office somewhere, or in some teacher's file...nor will their sexual activity be used to gather data about the habits and practices of children. Our children are still far more innocent than many their ages, despite this knowledge, as it is all in how it is presented and then how much exposure they have to inappropriate content.
I am NOT against providing information, factual and clear. I am NOT against our children understanding all they possibly can about their bodies. I am NOT out to shield my children from the real world. But I am sorry, asking my child if they have engaged in oral sex at 12 years old is basically telling them "We expect you have done so..." and that is NOT the message we want sent to our kids.
Maybe I am just too "old school", maybe I am not Thoroughly Modern Millie. It's just that I always am surprised...just as I think we can't possibly stoop any lower than "Jersey Shore", I find there is yet another level of disgust we can sink to.
Wondering how the rest of you all feel about this...am I a total nut case? Is this sort of thing disturbing at all to anyone else or am I way off base? Please share as I really would like to know!
Added 6/17/10: I am enjoying reading your comments about this, thanks to all who have written! I think though that I need to clarify something that may not be understood. I get it...I really and truly do...that kids are having sex at younger and younger ages. I get the need to educate where parents don't do there job. I also agree that someone has to do the job, and if it is in school it will be essentially valueless due to the fairness of acknowledging that people have different value systems they operate under.
What we are talking about here though is NOT education, it is invasion of privacy. And I am still not sure it is OK for a teacher or school to ask questions of a very personal nature of any child of any age, when the same question posed by anyone outside the system would lead to an investigation by authorities. I guess I may be the only one disturbed by this seeming double standard, which is why I wondered what others' opinions were on the subject.
And for all that we know does go on in schools and at ever increasingly younger ages...there ARE still children at 10, 11 and 12 IN public schools who are not as sexually aware.
I guess too that part of my frustration with this is directed towards the irresponsible parents who abdicate responsibility for the education of their children about sex to the schools, and that effects every single child there, even those whose parents DO care and will do their jobs.
I'll still say that if my kids were ever asked such questions, I would raise Holy-You-Know-What and be madder than a hornet. Looking at Matthew, just turned 12, and I am ever so greatful that he and Angela and Kenny and Olesya are not ignorant of the existence of such activity, but are blissfully still deeply emerged in childhood, as they should be. WIsh it were so for every other kid in the world. It is easy to see how we as a society fail in a million ways to protect our kids...to support failing families...to support those in need of role models.
So what do we do about it? Education alone will not change it, folks. And that is not a comment against the sexual education of our kids. Just a recognition that it takes a whole lot more. It takes kids not yearning for love they don't get at home, it takes kids who know who they are and have confidence in themselves...not false confidence but a deeply rooted sense of self. It takes families passing on values which are wholesome and healthy. It takes having a safety net.
I guess, what I am saying is, that it takes a village. But it also takes a strong family. The village may have to find better ways to support those failing families so they can become stronger.
OK, 'nuff said. I need to "chew" on this some more!
Below is the post:
I just read online about the Massachussetts middle school that asked 7th and 8th graders graphic and explicit questions about their sexual behavior, including questions about oral sex. Pardon me for being so graphic myself with this post, but I simply don't get it.
Here is a link to the article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/16/arlene-tessitore-school-sex-survey_n_878318.html
I take issue with this for two reasons. First of all, is the insanity of our societal expectations and perspectives about sex. Please, will someone tell me why it is aceptable for a public school to ask our 10, 11 and 12 year old students questions of such a graphic sexual nature...but if a stranger came up to them on the street and asked the very same question that stranger would be labeled a pedophile and branded a sex offender for the remainder of their lives. I can guarantee you that if some guy came up to my kid at our weekly street fair tonight and asked them if they engaged in oral sex...as this survey in school did...I would have him arrested immediately.
So why is it ok for teachers to ask these questions under the guise of "education"? And why in the world doesn't anyone on the faculty see this as clearly offensive?
My second issue with this is one most will probably not find as important, but I certainly think it is. Here is where my Libertarian leanings might come out. What right does any school official or teacher have to ask such questions even if only on the grounds of rights to privacy? Since when did it become a school's job to monitor a child's sexual behavior? Does a child of this age have the understanding of privacy issues and how revealing certain kinds of information may follow them later on in ways they might one day regret? Even if they did, would they feel obligated to answer a survey or would they feel comfortable enough to stand up for their rights and opt out?
I am outraged, and I remember feeling violated myself when we were going through our adoption homestudies and found that a new questionairre was being required which asked intimate questions about our sexual activitiy. At least I could understand why we were being asked such things, as there are predators who try to adopt so they can have a victim to abuse...but I still didn't like it. However, we were given no choice, and I still contend that any adult who has half an ounce of sense would know how to answer such questions to evade suspicion.
But a child???
Don't get me wrong, our family is probably even more open about sexuality than many ore, having had many discussions in our home about various topics. The difference? It is in our home, it is not valueless, and my kids will not have anything private about their sexual activity on file in some school office somewhere, or in some teacher's file...nor will their sexual activity be used to gather data about the habits and practices of children. Our children are still far more innocent than many their ages, despite this knowledge, as it is all in how it is presented and then how much exposure they have to inappropriate content.
I am NOT against providing information, factual and clear. I am NOT against our children understanding all they possibly can about their bodies. I am NOT out to shield my children from the real world. But I am sorry, asking my child if they have engaged in oral sex at 12 years old is basically telling them "We expect you have done so..." and that is NOT the message we want sent to our kids.
Maybe I am just too "old school", maybe I am not Thoroughly Modern Millie. It's just that I always am surprised...just as I think we can't possibly stoop any lower than "Jersey Shore", I find there is yet another level of disgust we can sink to.
Wondering how the rest of you all feel about this...am I a total nut case? Is this sort of thing disturbing at all to anyone else or am I way off base? Please share as I really would like to know!
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