Puzzle Pieces

It's been a long couple of days as I worked to prepare our Field Trip Plan to be submitted to the school for review and, hopefully, approval.  It is an incredibly complicated process, as there is a lot of documentation of prior learning that must be done, cost outlines down to the penny of every dollar expected to be spent on the trip, maps of all mileage, justification for each stop along the way.

Then each document is times five kids.

It is a banker's box full plus accompanying maps the kids made of Westward Expansion.  Many families don't take advantage of the school funding for field trips because it is a pretty detailed and complex project.  As I sat at the laptop today I realized how much our learning scaffolds, even as adults.  Paperwork for international adoption forces you to learn how to be organized in a big hurray.  I submit everything tomorrow and await committee approval, which will take 3-4 weeks as it goes through the committee and the district school board. If so, our trip will be amazing...a blessing in every possible way:



Jorge the van will get a workout on this trip!  We are very excited about the prospect of going on such a great adventure, and would love to hear from anyone else who recognizes where we are heading and has ideas for things we just can't miss.  If approved, we plan on departing April 15th, when we will most likely be officially done with school for the 2012-2013 year.  Matt may have a few math and German lessons left to complete, but he has made it a goal to finish by then if at all possible.  All the other kids have already just about finished everything else, and actually started math for next year so they'll just keep going.

Not much else going on around here, other than plowing through school and finishing planning for the next academic year.  It may feel early to some to be thinking about it, but we will start our new year by the end of May, so I don't have much longer to get it all together!  Angela and Olesya have both been down with pretty severe colds this past week, and I am hoping they are in better shape in the next couple of days. The boys and I have managed to avoid it thus far, though Dominick definitely did not.

Spring is now on our minds, and we are planning a little science project!  We were talking about phototropism (I sound so smart, don't I?  Don't worry, I had no clue until I read it today! haha!) and we are going to experiment.  Phototropism is the growth of an organism toward or away from a light source.  We got the bright idea to set up a camera on a tripod, get a plant and set in in the window, and take pictures every 15-30 minutes.  Then we will create a slide show to see how much movement there was.  It should be cool!

We have been SO enjoying our little Apple TV box that attaches to our TV and allows me to mirror what I see on my iPad onto the TV while wirelessly connected.  Wow, what a wonderful time saver and great learning tool it has been!  We use a lot of video illustrations for school, especially for science, because there are so many awesome 3-4 minute clips out there to explain various principles.  Being able to tap my iPad and have it immediately show up on screen has been totally awesome, and may be one of our better homeschooling tools.

I had our special education meeting for Matthew last week, which was helpful.  It was sweet to hear one of his evaluators say that it had been a long time since he was around a young man his age who was so polite and appeared to be such a nice, respectful kid.  We looked at test results, and they were as quirky as Matt himself is.  Kathie, the special ed coordinator, explained some of his scores, which were predictably all over the map.  His spelling and phonics fluency were at 12.9 grade level.  She said that with his issues she expected his spelling to be awful, and was tricked by his test because then she remembered that  words in isolation are no problem and he almost always got 100% on his spelling tests.  She said he has a better command of spelling phonetically than most do also.

Every result in every category were well over his 8th grade level, that is until she got to the writing sample.  Bingo!!!  Hahaha! I can't believe I am excited over that, but at least our frustration was finally understood and validated.  His writing sample was at a 5.6 grade level, and she explained that it was that way due to his editing skills and spelling when not isolated, not his actual use of vocabulary which was 12th+ grade level.  She laughed as she said, "No wonder you were not getting it, I didn't either!  He is a super bright young man, but his writing looks like...well...like a 5th grader, which completely doesn't match his intellect.  I imagine you were pulling your hair out!"  So that explains that little bald spot I have :-)  Kathie and the other special education staff person said that dysgraphia like this is very subtle and hard to detect, particularly when it is in kids with Matt's skills...it is almost always assumed to be laziness.  Yea, I thought so too for quite a while, much to my own shame.

We learned something else, as they tested him for motor skills issues, as well, and they could clearly see a processing disorder with his drawing/writing.  He was able to complete three dimensional drawings quickly and easily of the sort that most would not be able to do (like me), but even on the most simple ones like just a diamond, it was ill proportioned and off kilter.  They had never seen that either in someone whose spatial relationship skills were so high, which was a big tip off to them that something is quite off base with Matt.  His terrible printing is due to some sort of as yet unspecified disorder.  We have always wondered about his vision, because he is always totally on top of whatever he is working on, nose very close to it.  Somehow, this is all connected.

Sooo...it is documented now, and they will allow him to "legally" use adaptive technology for any writing he does, including for his state testing.  Once it has been documented for the next 6 months to a year, they can create what is called a 504 plan, which will be with him for the rest of his life and will allow him to use adaptive software for writing in college, as well as allow him to prove learning in different ways aside from just writing.

The odd thing is...he can really, really write. He has a unique and very interesting, descriptive style which, when edited, is actually quite beautiful.  But it has to be edited up the wazoo.

You know, I shared this recently with someone...I actually prayed over each of our adoptions, asking not for perfect children and being willing to love whoever God sent us, but asking specifically that our life with them be rewarding and interesting...not dull.  I think I was blessed in that area, times ten! Haha!!!  And blessed it really is, no matter what challenges we have.  I have sunshine in our home in the faces I see each and every morning, I have intrigue and interest and passion in so many areas with them all day long.  My life, which to many on the outside might appear to be incredibly boring as I am home all day with our kids, is the furthest thing from boring. I have five little puzzles to figure out, I am Mom Sherlock Holmes, only without the cool pipe!

Another puzzle yet to be pieced together is dear, sweet Olesya.  Yesterday Angela brought her up as we drifted into conversation about a character in a book.  She asked me why Olesya was the way she is, why she doesn't let anyone really get to know her.  She wanted to know if I thought it was on purpose, or if she even realized she was that way.  One thing that is interesting to me, and making me pause is that, unlike Kenny and Angela, Olesya never, ever talks about her life in the orphanage.  Stories will come out from Kenny and Angela, and when I turn to ask Olesya about if something like that ever happened or what she remembers, inevitably she avoids answering with a shrug of her shoulders, saying she just doesn't remember anything.  She says she doesn't remember any of it...not even the later years when she was finally reunited with Angela in the same orphanage.  It is beginning to make me wonder if her claims are true about not recalling anything about that horrific night her grandmother died. I know people can block out things, but for her to block out her first entire 11 years is not possible...it is avoidance.  I am praying about this hard right now, asking God for insight into how to proceed.

To give you an idea of how far inward she is, Angela turned to me during our conversation yesterday and said, "Mom, don't feel bad.  You are trying everything you can, and you are the only person who ever has. I have known her all my life, and I don't know her anymore than you do.  Actually,  think I know you heart more than I do my own sister, and you and I have only been family for 3 years.  She hides from all of us, and I think she remembers more than she wants to talk about."  Angela also told me that she was very happy when I caught on to Olesya early on, and began encouraging her to be open, and to see herself as intelligent and capable.  She added, "If anyone can help her, Mom, it;s you.  Maybe someday she will change.  Maybe someday she will feel safe enough and good enough about herself to share all her feelings.  It is a hard thing to do. It's not like she doesn't love all of us a lot, she shows it all the time.  She just can't be honest with herself.  Maybe she is cared of remembering everything, and it changes who she is right now. I know I was very, very scared and shameful of it (ashamed), too, like people would think I was awful because of things that happened to me.  Now I know that was wrong, but I was just embarrassed about how all of it felt inside.  You got to me, though, and I think one day you'll get to Olesya too."  Then she asked, "Do you think something happened to her at the other orphanage before she got to me?  She was always so shy the couple of times I went to see her there, she acted different."

Food for thought, another puzzle to try and figure out.  This one might prove to be the most difficult to put together.  Lots to gnaw on.

Not much else going on....guess I have enough anyway :-)  Night all!

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A Trial Run!!

I did something today.  It was something that found me engaged in much internal debate for a long time, 2+ years, actually.  It would be something fairly insignificant to most folks, I know, but for me it was a little bigger.  

I tried to do it last year, but couldn't manage it.  The need for groceries took my "mad money", leaving me shrugging my shoulders saying "Oh well, guess it wasn't meant to be."

But it kept niggling me.  I tried to brush it off, but I couldn't.  I don't even know why, really, it is just one of those things.

Then this year came around, a year that was quite stressful, and kind of sucked a lot of soul out of me for a variety of reasons I won't get into...none of which, thankfully, have anything to do with my beloved ones.

The last straw came when I lost choir, that one thing just for me that brought me incredible joy each week, and filled me up.  It was also one of the few adult things away from the kids I counted on regularly to keep me from becoming a babbling adolescent-esque fool.  Homeschooling, and doing it with real commitment, is not just throwing the kids in front of a computer all day while I eat bon bons and watch Oprah re-runs. It really means a 10-12 hour a day...then going...well...nowhere. Back to the laundry room, maybe, but you don't get to "go home" from work.  I love it in a million ways, but I am being truthful when I say there are moments when simply not getting out every day or being around adults more can be a little hard from time to time.  Of course, the flip side is that I get to be cozy at home every day, and I am around my favorite people in the whole world, so there are definitely pros and cons :-)  

So, I decided I needed something to rejuvenate me a teensy weensy bit.  I needed something just for me, something I might get a little lost in when I needed to.  So, I did it.  I actually did it today.

I am giving a trial run at learning the harp!!  After much conversation and research, I found a company that will rent one long distance, for a period of four months, before a commitment is made to purchase it.  So, for a $50 a month rental fee, I am going to try something totally new and different!

Here she is, isn't she beautiful???:

I keep trying to tell myself this is not stupid.  I don't have the luxury of affording lessons, I haven't played any instrument since high school, I don't know keys or chords, and I don't read bass clef.  But ever since the day 2+ years ago when I sat down at a dear friend's harp back in Virginia, I have yearned for one to play, even if I never learn to play right and just strum to make myself happy.  Sitting at her harp, resting it against my shoulder and feeling every sound in a way that many instruments don't let you feel it, there was something mystical and sacred about it for me.  Maybe that is how Matthew feels about Legos when he gets lost in creating, or Olesya when she just can't wait to comb through magazines and cookbooks looking for new things to try.

I bought a highly recommended "Teach Yourself the Harp" book and DVD on Amazon, signed the contract today, and will give it a try.  Renting it is safe, because if I find I am the total loser I suspect I might be, and don't force myself to practice, I can always return it.  I really have no idea if I can learn this without an instructor, but several folks on various harp forums have done so, at least well enough to satisfy their desire to play a little.  I am under no impression that I will actually ever be good at it.  I don't care about performing, nor do I imagine myself sitting at a $10,000 floor harp some day.  I am basically very uncoordinated, and I am pretty sure this will be something incredibly hard for me to do, especially without lessons.

That's OK.  What is it that I have been saying to the kids for years?  Do the hard thing?  That, and you don't have to be good at it to enjoy it?  Well, I guess it is time to put up or shut up.  I want to try, and I think it will be great for the kids to see me attempting something that is very, very hard...just as each of them has done so admirably.  

But mainly, I just want to sit in a quiet room and run my fingers across the strings over and over again.  That alone is beautiful, even if I never manage to put notes together in a way that follows anything written on a page.  Sometimes, we need to chase after beauty, even if we will never quite catch it.

I am trying not to feel guilty.  I had a little money stashed to cover the rental fee, money I saved by effectively robbing Peter of  a little more than it ended up costing to pay Paul.  Still, it is money that could have been spent elsewhere, and I know that.  I have played mind games, justifying it to myself for the past week.  I was going to rent a super cheap one, because A) I didn't want to rent a much nicer harp, find that I love it, and am spoiled by it but can't afford to keep it, and B)  I don't need an expensive toy.  However, a couple of my men folk convinced me otherwise.  Kenny really got deep into conversation about the whole idea, urging me to do it as he weighed out the pros and cons of better harps versus lower level models.   Dominick convinced me when he sort of laughed at the name of the super cheap model, called a "Harpsicle". 

Ultimately, I realized that beginners at anything often go with lower quality tools for whatever they are trying to learn, and often get turned  off of something because it is frustrating to work with inferior products.  We've all done it, saved a few bucks on something thinking it wasn't really worth wasting additional money on it, so we quit when, if we had the right tools, we would find it enjoyable.  If there is any chance at all that I might actually be able to learn this, then I don't want to ruin it because I bought a harp with no levers, or not enough octave span, and I throw my hands up in the air and give up.  Well, I admit I might end up doing that anyway, but at least it will be due to my recognition of my own lack of talent, not due to a poor quality instrument.  So we are renting  a decent little entry level harp, not a toy, but not a Grand Dame of harps.  If I like it and stick with it, I am not yet sure what I'll do.  I am not going to think beyond just enjoying it when it arrives.  I really hope I won't be blogging four months from now saying,"Eh, I give up!".  But then, even if that does happen, at least I will have tried.  You have to try a lot of things to find the ones that really speak to you. And who says you need to be "good"?

A little music is needed in everyone's life.  I've missed the peace it brought me, so I am reaching out for a little.

While I wait in great anticipation, my only dilemma is...what do I name her??

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Bread of Life

I have been remiss in blogging regularly, and that has been a  intentional.  I found I needed a bit of a respite from many things, and needed to rest in daily family life a little while.  We were home for a few days after returning from California, then loaded up in "Jorge",our "new" full size van we purchased last spring for a maiden voyage, of sorts.  While we have driven it around town a little, it was intended to be used for longer family trips when luggage and space were more of an issue.  I didn't take it to California because it hadn't been road tested yet, so to speak, and traveling alone with 5 kids across the frozen desert we figured it might not be the wisest move to have that be our first long road trip with it.  So we waited until Dominick was going with us to Denver.  I am super pleased to report that Jorge was fabulous!  Everyone had much more room, we didn't bottom out the van, and it was a very comfortable ride.

We went to Denver as a treat, the kids having saved to go see a Christian/Family comedian who was putting on a show there at a mega church in Loveland.  Tim Hawkins is hilarious, and we have seen him onYouTube several times.  The kids asked if we could go if they bought their own tickets, and we agreed we would pay for the hotel and gas if they would do that.  It was perfect timing, as it was around Dominick's birthday, Valentine's Day, and our anniversary of the girls' homecoming 3 years ago.  I know, we are crazy to drive 6 hours one way for a 2 hour show, but we are LaJoy's and you ought to know how nuts we are by now.

It was SO worth it!  My, how we laughed, harder than I think I have in years.  It was so nice to enjoy something like that as a family and not have to cringe because of inappropriate comments made.  He is Bill Cosby-esque in his brand of humor, something you can't find very often these days.  The kids all cracked up over the Mom and Dad references and the common things we ALL say as parents.  We must have enjoyed it even more than I realized, as after the show we were getting a drink at a local fast food joint, and a woman approached us who had been there as well.  She told us she didn't know what to laugh at more, Tim Hawkins or our family!  She said it sure looked like we were all really enjoying ourselves, and that she loved seeing all of us having such a good time.  Kenny was the most hilarious of all, as he has a real funny bone, and he was actually sliding down his seat as he was doubled over in hysterics.  He even said to me, "Mom, if he doesn't stop it, I think I'll laugh so hard I'll pee my pants!!"

If you are ever looking for good, clean humor to enjoy with your family, check him out, you won't be disappointed:  Tim Hawkins, Comedian/Musician

Laughter isn't just the best medicine, it can be the very bread of a happy life.  No matter how hard times get around here, and we certainly have our share, the laughter is what pulls us through.  We have always been able to find the humor in our circumstances, and I never take that for granted as I know what a true gift that is.   We all know hard times always come around, but being able to relax into family life and view things through a bright orange lens...or clown glasses...helps in so many ways.

Speaking of bread of life, Thursday we were busy with school, blinds drawn so we could watch a couple of videos that illustrated our science lesson, when we heard an unexpected knock on our door.  What a surprise as we welcomed in a couple of new friends who attend our church whom we hadn't ever had the chance to get to know very well.  We decided back in December they would make perfect targets for our 12 Days of Christmas prank, and the Riordan's were SO enthusiastic when two days before Christmas  we revealed it had been us leaving little notes and gag gifts for almost 2 weeks. We have done that three different Christmases now (we actually had two targets this year!), and it is really enjoyable to sneak up every night and rush away hoping not to get caught.  Well, our friends enjoyed it so much, that they had a warm cake waiting for us on the night of the Big Reveal, and we all gathered around their dining room table to visit for a bit and get to know one another a little better.  You see, we didn't really know them all that well, but they had gifted us with some summer peaches and we thought it would be fun to use this opportunity to get better acquainted.

Well, it seems the Christmas cake they made to share with us wasn't enough, in their eyes, and so here they came this week bearing a tray of wonderful baked treats and a delicious loaf of what tasted like onion rye bread.  Mmmm...mmmm!!!  A sweet note of appreciation for our winter gag accompanied their gift, and we all had our hearts warmed on a cold, snowy winter afternoon.

One of the great stress's in my life the past several months was the fear that our public homeschool program would be closing its doors.  There was a long, protracted situation with our State Board of Education which was finally resolved, and our program now begins the intense process of trying to gain charter status approval in time for school to begin July 1st.  While things will definitely be changing for us within the program, it is a great relief that we will still have access to all the terrific benefits the program has offered us. While we could still homeschool independently, and I am not longer fearful of that prospect in the slightest, the truth is the funding and academic support has been very helpful to us the past 3 1/2 years. We also would very much like for our kids to receive a standard public school issued diploma.  Now it feels like we can breath a little easier.

I have also had a little answer to prayer as well, as recently I met a homeschooling mom whom I have a lot in common with.  We met at our school, and quickly discovered that we were similar in many ways.  She has a 3rd grade daughter who hit it off with Olesya right away, as they are both super crafty and have moms who are not.  Surprisingly, she also took an instant liking to Joshie, which was kind of cute.  We have only gotten together once, but she voiced the same sort of isolation I have felt, saying just as I have almost word for word, that it would be so nice to meet even one homeschooling mom friend to have someone to talk with about what we do all day, which  no one else is even slightly interested in.  I had really given up hope, and pretty much accepted that we would spend our homeschooling years with me having no real cohort.  I am hopeful that we can manage to get the kids together a couple times a month, just so that we can chat and fill that little hole we both seem to feel.  I consider myself incredibly blessed to have non-homeschooling friends who tolerate my limitations due to schooling all day and not being able to "do lunch".  They have shown a great deal of respect for what we are trying to accomplish here, seeing it as my "Real Job".  I know many moms don't have that support and encouragement from non-homeschoolers, and for me it has been vital to keeping my own spirits up.  Well, that and being able to access Facebook throughout the day as my own sort of virtual Water Cooler to visit around! Haha!

Friendship can be the bread of life as well, new friends, old friends, topic specific friends, call in the middle of the night friends, cry on your shoulder (or you on theirs) friends, techie friends, spirit friends, they are all like a wide variety of warm loaves.

I am deeply missing choir.  I knew I would, but I didn't know how much.  I miss music, I miss the mini-sermon each hymn and anthem was to my soul.  We are doing an admirable job of finding ways to add music to our worship service each week, as many of my talented friends have found the courage to step up to a keyboard played only in private or not for many years.  Seeing them all step out of their comfort zone is a real encouragement to me.  But while I am enjoying hearing their  talents and gifts on display (and being a little jealous I have nothing to offer musically!), there is something very scared about participation in choir which has left a gapping hole in my life, larger than I could have anticipated.

The bread of life comes in different forms for each of us.  That which nourishes us doesn't always have to look the same as it does for our neighbor.

Tomorrow I will find myself leading worship at a small little church quite a drive from here.  It is in another lovely old building, long a landmark in its tiny community.  It is not something I will ever be comfortable with or good at,  but it is a privilege to be asked.  A couple of weeks ago I was liturgist at church, and Matthew asked if he could sit up in the front pew with me.  Right before worship began, he turned to me and said, "Mom, you really ARE nervous doing this, aren't you?"and I didn't deny it, saying that I actually hated speaking in public and was always uncomfortable doing it.  He said he thought I had always been exaggerating when I had said that in the past, but now he realized I was telling the truth.  

"Why do you do it then?  Why don't you just say no?"  he asked.

"Because I think it is super important for you guys to see Dad and I challenging ourselves to do things that are hard for us.  We want you to be willing to try things, to do things that are not always comfortable, even if others would back out." I replied.

Later, in the car, we all had a long conversation when Matthew brought that up in front of everyone else.  All the kids have signed up to serve as liturgist this year, not just Matt and Kenny.  Matthew explained to them how even now I am still actually uncomfortable with it.  The conversation turned in the direction of doing hard things in life and not taking the easy way out.  Angela is quite nervous about doing it, as is Olesya.  Joshua, surprisingly, is not at all...though he might be when his turn rolls around.  Kenny is amazingly comfortable with it, and has been since the first time he tried it.  Matthew is our most introverted, but after doing it a couple of times said, "I am glad you suggested I force myself to do it.  I thought I'd be scared, but after doing it I realized I wasn't after all.  I just thought I would be.  If I hadn't tried it, I never would have known that it wasn't all that scary.", as he tried to encourage the three who haven't yet stepped up to the pulpit in Sunday morning to help lead worship.

The bread of life means ever expanding, as yeast causes the dough to rise, so too do we grow.

We've had a solid winter break, and this week we are back with our noses to the grindstone.  We have a lot of material to cover for school as we anticipate a late April Westward Expansion Field Trip!  I have some reconnecting to do with friends who have patiently waited to be able to get together.  I have to take a few more bites out of the crusty Bread of Life, what a gift!

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Precious Time

When I was visiting with my dear friend Jill last night, we were talking about the "Mommy Wars" which we absolutely refuse to participate in with each other.  Our lives look very different in many ways, and yet we work at our relationship and respect each other.  She'd never make the choice to homeschool her kids, yet she was the first one to come to our house with support and "How to Homeschool" books in her hands, ready to encourage and validate the choice we had to make for our kids.  I have always so appreciated that from her, and others who have also offered so much to help us succeed.  The wonderful extras that others have brought into the kids' lives have made homeschooling a much richer experience than I could ever provide alone.  For example, the younger four are reading Pearl S. Buck's "The Big Wave" (I love Pearl S. Buck!) with our retired teacher friend, Miss Mary.  She has traveled the world over and brought a Japanese tea ceremony right to our front door yesterday! She shared many Japanese items collected by her and her husband, and the kids drank "Creamsicle" tea and green tea as well!:

There are times lately when I am really feeling disconnected from "real life".  My working friends, many of whom have no children still living at home, are leading very different lives than I am.  I find myself struggling to find topics to talk about, and knowing that I must sound so boring.  The truth is, I have a vibrant internal conversation going on all the time about all sorts of things!  The problem is, they are of no interest at all to most people.  I am fascinated by education these days, and am reading all sorts of articles about where the 21st century student is headed.  Debates about "flipped" classrooms, technology and its adaptation, inequality in education and the disproportionate numbers of minority students who drop out, college costs and % of students who amass tens of thousands of dollars in debt for careers that pay $30,000 a year, CLEP and DANTES testing, distance learning...all of these are things I could go on and on about. Yea...not really the stuff of juicy Starbucks conversation.  Throw in with that my interest in all things faith and my heart's yearning for a clearer sign of God's call in my current life, and I make for a really dull companion for most.  That is, unless you are planning a Westward Expansion field trip, then I might come in really handy!!

Regardless of how "out of the loop" I often feel these days, it is all so worth it.  There is no way at all I would ever say that these years aren't probably the best of my life.  Sometimes, you have to give up something to get something.  What I have gained is truly irreplaceable.  Precious time with my children, more than I ever dreamed I could have, is worth far more than being a charming dinner companion.  The solidity of our relationships at home, the knowledge that even as they are growing into teens they enjoy being with us, and the hopeful long term growth academically of all of the kids tells me we made the right decision.  Yes, even if there are times when I know my friends have to work really hard at staying connected due to scheduling, my own inability to speak to things that the regular world is involved in, and my very unhip, uncool daily life, I still wouldn't trade it.

As I have spent the past couple of months planning out next years' curriculum, the brevity of this time in my life has become even more apparent.  No longer am I trying to force myself to be the Artsy Craftsy mom to engage elementary aged sons and daughters, now I am dealing with laying out four years of...I can't believe it...high school!!  Matthew starts high school next year, and I ask myself when did this happen and how did it happen so quickly?  Making it even a little odder is that he has changed so little over the years.  Unlike Joshie, my only other "baby" who has changed drastically over the past several years, Matthew looks like a large version of his two year old self, he carries himself exactly the same way, and he is just as calm and quiet as he was way back then. We had just one single tantrum out of him his entire toddler years.  No kidding.  One.

He is moving toward the high school years with the same sense of aplomb.  As I shared in conversation last night, I have asked him how he feels about homeschooling through high school, wanting to make sure he is not just going along for the ride or that his heart's desire hasn't changed.  We have offered to buy him a class ring, a letterman's jacket, etc. so that he, and eventually the others, will not feel as much like they are missing out.  He quickly declined, saying, "Why do I need that stuff?  That's a waste of money just to look cool."  Then he added, "Mom, you are forgetting something.  We can't really miss what we have never had.  I don't care about Proms and stuff, and probably wouldn't have gone even if I was in regular high school.  That's just not my style.  I don't want to go back to public school, it would be too boring and I wouldn't have time to learn the things I want to learn.  As long as you'll teach us, I want to stay home.  It's just better."

Here it is, 2/3rds of next year's curriculum, all ready to go!  

But where is that high school literature?  Ugh!!

So, I embarked the past several months on high school curriculum research.  It has been FUN!  I know, I am weird, remember?  Because we are teaching a couple of subjects together with the other kids, I have a bigger challenge than most.  Trying to find something for history and science that meets in the middle is tough.  The other 4 will have to stretch at times, and Matt will have to settle for a little lower level at moments.  However, I have a plan....muahaha!  Lower reading level English as a Second Language science and history textbooks combined with The Great Courses college video lectures which we will all view and discuss will make for a very interesting setup.  Over the next two years we will be doing 3 Great Courses that are 48 lectures each along with our textbook.  I am also going to throw in some reading from both conservative and liberal perspectives especially for Matthew about how each thinks the other side has gotten it all wrong :-)  We'll see what he thinks about it.

The one area that is stumping me is literature.  Matthew reads at a fairly high level, and his 8th grade text has proven to have wonderful stories but his vocabulary isn't being tested as much as I'd like with it.  As I look at many of the high school texts, other than the Shakespeare components, I have not been impressed.  For one thing, in the homeschooling arena, everyone seems to think good literature was only written 100+ years ago.  Sorry, I disagree and want him reading a wide variety of classics as well as more modern literature.  Personally, I loved a comment I read years ago where someone said, "I don't get it, just because a story is old, doesn't necessarily make it GOOD."  But homeschooling curriculum often focuses largely on the classics, and I don't want a standard high school textbook either, as that is just not much different than his high level 8th grade book, from what I have researched.  Someone suggested the Norton Anthologies, which are actually college texts, but I think I might have fallen in love with them.  We are going to look at a few other options at a homeschooling show in March, as Matthew is going with me, but I do NOT want busy work study guides, and I want him reading really well written literature.  I am seeing how, with all the kids, our literature selections being carefully chosen has made an enormous impact on their writing.

Recently, to our surprise, both Matthew and Joshie tested as gifted.  We all sat around the table and talked honestly and openly about the test scores...a conversation that could have been quite awkward in some situations.  All the kids were asked by the school to take the test, so we could have more data to work with in developing critical thinking skills which are sorely lacking in some areas with Angela, Olesya and Kenny.  We are seeing huge improvement, but it will take years to make up for what was not developed early on.  I decided that there was no more reason to hide the results from anyone than there was to hide Kenny's challenges.  So, we gathered around the table and laid out the results.

Actually, we were thrilled with ALL the results, and could honestly express that with the kids.  Angela and Olesya scored in the high average...and that was having been English language speakers for less than 3 years AND taking tests that were each a grade level  above what they are at home because of the state mandate of moving them up a grade due to age.  Our resource consultant said that everyone at the school was extremely surprised at their results, and that if tested a couple of years down the road (which they might elect to do) they might actually test in the gifted range!  The biggest success of all was Kenny, whose self-esteem has been battered time and time again over being called "low IQ" by school staff and who has had services denied because of low IQ.  HA HA HA...Boyfriend tested smack dab in the average range!!!  We all giggled with delight as I got up and did the happy dance, telling him over and over again, "I told you so, I told you that you were as smart as everyone else!!"

What I dearly loved about this moment though, was how Angela, Olesya and Kenny each reacted upon hearing Matt and Josh's scores.  Matt has taken a bit of a beating himself the past 3 or 4 years with his frustrations over his writing.  Tears have been shed multiple times as he just couldn't understand why he couldn't write what he wanted to say, and as I assumed he was being lazy or careless, something I am not proud of.  The school has called him "twice exceptional" because of being special needs with dysgraphia, as well as gifted.  Coming as no surprise at all for an intense Lego kid, one person who tested Matthew came out to talk to me at break time and said he had never seen any young person in his 27 years of doing this have as high a score in Spatial Reasoning as Matthew did, he told me he essentially topped out the test.  He actually used the word "brilliant", which was waaayyyy overstating it, for sure, but did make me smile for a moment.  Hey, I don't normally get moments like that with our kids!! Haha!  I'm used to hearing comments like, "Did Matthew really write that?  Ohhhhh..." with a nod of kindly sympathy.

The kids were all so happy for him, Angela saying, "See Matthew, we KNEW you were super smart!  You just need help in one area, that's all.  I am not surprised at all!" .  Other than helping Matthew feel a little more validated, any "gifted" label is pretty meaningless for us.  As I explained to all of them when we sat down to talk, I am teaching them all in exactly the same way, and have the same materials being used pretty much with all except for Kenny with reading, and they all know this to be true.  There are no gifted classes for them to go to, nor any need for them.  We might find we have access to a little more funding for Matt and Josh, I explained, but that will really be the only difference.  We were able to talk honestly about the advantages Matthew and Joshua have had simply by being in a family from very early on, and the sort of developmental delay that almost every single child adopted at even a slightly older age deals with.  It was actually a very deep conversation, as the kids didn't really know a lot about how institutionalization can affect brain development, so I shared about what lack of stimulation can do, or how having someone talk with you and not at you can make a huge difference.  A moment I will hold close is how Matthew looked at all three and said, "You all know I am not smarter than you.  Good grief, all of you write better than me even with only 3 years of English!"  to which there was a big laugh.  Joshie said, "So, we all are smart and mom will make everyone smarter.  The only thing I am really good in is math.  That's not a big deal."

When I said that I had been a little hesitant to talk about it with everyone, because I didn't want anyone thinking they were somehow less intelligent, Angela said, "Oh mom, don't ever keep secrets from us, especially not GOOD ones!  This is awesome!  And Olesya, Kenny and I have gotten a lot more of your attention and time because we needed so much help.  Matthew and Joshua have always helped us and never gotten mad because we took so much of your time.  They need attention, too, and shouldn't hide if they do well.  You celebrate when we do well, so we all need to celebrate when they do well, too!  Besides, it's just a test, and you told us tests are just for you to know how to teach us.  Now you know more what to teach us all.  That's all that's important." then she grinned and added, "You have already told all of us that we are very smart, and moms are ALWAYS right!!" which had everyone cracking up.

What really is important is the stuff not measured or scored.  In the long run, no one is going to care one whit what score any of our kids got on any test, or whether they are "gifted" or special needs.  What they are going to notice most is their character.  Are they deeply good?  Are they faithful?  Are they responsible, kind and warm hearted?  While, of course, I care about them getting a decent education, I will have failed if they get high SAT scores while reflecting little to no graciousness or morals. One far outweighs the other for us.  That is why we feel strongly that the non-academic activities are probably more important than doing more grammar or hammering out an essay.  This is what is important:

For Valentine's Day, we delivered little gift baskets to five of our older congregation members.  A group at church put them together and asked if we would play Cupid, which we loved doing.  We visited nursing homes and doled out hugs...a far more meaningful afternoon than sitting in front of a math book.  That evening, as we drove to a local homeless shelter, we talked in the car about it being the girls' anniversary home, and how lucky we all were to be together.  None of us could think of a better way to give thanks for the love we share as a family than to spend that evening sharing that love with others as we served many families a special dinner, letting them know that they, too, were precious.

High school, anniversaries, holidays...it is all passing so quickly.  No, I may not be hip or cool, and I may not be someone you'd want to be stuck next to at a dinner out because I can't talk about office gossip or the latest fashion trends, but time is precious, and this is more important.  It always will be. I need to remind myself over and over of that, as I see Matt's baby pictures on the wall and his high school textbooks waiting for us to begin.  

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Sweetness

Sweetness is...

Joshie loading Walkie Talkie Apps on his Ipad and mine, so that we could whisper good night to each other this evening.

Watching all five kids delightedly playing hide and seek and Army with their younger friends.

Having Olesya wrap up a cupcake for her brother when he wasn't around to get one.

Snuggling on the bed reading with Matthew this morning as we talked about literary themes...and future careers...and big dreams.

Friends who don't see me as the freak I really am, or who don't think I am a completely incapable ninny for ending up in Salt Lake City after a wrong turn...the second time in my life.

A hubby who, despite our agreement NOT to worry about Valentine's Day this year in light of our trip to Denver this weekend, brings me flowers and a card.  Even sweeter, when I say I feel badly that I didn't get him anything he says, "That's OK, it just makes up for all the years I didn't do something. I still have a few more to make up for."

Angela saying, "Mom, you give us the BEST writing assignments!"

A clean car, if only for five minutes.

Kenny's smile every morning, and long bear hug.

Candy filled hearts and Hallmark on a single day are not what it is all about.  

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Special Moments and American Pie

Life with the LaJoy's tends to be a bit pedestrian.  If you are looking for major excitement, you'd need to look elsewhere.  Our days tend to be filled with what some might consider to be the mundane...school, work, church...sort of a Middle American existence.  While we do make every effort to get the kids out in the world with travel, so that they do not have a small town mentality, there are moments that we realize you can take the kid out of the small town, but you might not ever be able to take the small town out of the kid.

I like that.

I like that our days are generally simple and predictable.  I like that there is a sense of continuity in our weeks.  I like that our joy comes from the things that are real and permanent, rather than transitory in nature.  I crave as little drama as possible, which to me indicates healthy relationships and peace of mind.  I love the sense of humor the kids have that comes directly from their dad, so it surrounds me all day long.

What I like most, though, is just being together, laughing together,and loving together. The past few days with the kids has reminded me that it is the little moments that add up to make a big life, or at least a life with big meaning.  Sometimes we just have to stop and see it, rather than expect a big life to look like something with a big red "S" for special.  The special moments are woven throughout our days, if we just look for them.

I have a few of them tucked away from this week right now.

Olesya making a cake at GrandmaToni's house. It didn't turn out so well, in fact, it slipped and the top half ended up on a second plate and we called it the Mountain of Goo.

Kenny began working towards his Bronze Certificate for the Congressional Medal with Grandma Alice, who taught him how to solder.  Sharing her lifetime worth of experience working on assembly lines, she was able to help him quickly learn a new skill.

A finished project! 

We explored the Santa Barbara Mission one afternoon.

"What's in here?"

Matthew being...well...a thirteen year old boy. :-)

We giggled a lot as we came upon signs for "Alien Jerky" when we traveled back from California and headed toward Las Vegas.  We simply couldn't pass off a daily dose of kitsch, so we had to stop and check it out.

There were animatronic aliens in an alien car!

And considering we were in the vicinity of Area 51, it was appropriate to find aliens and their spacecraft.

What really got us laughing was our official Road Kill Jerky, which we devoured.  Living in Colorado, where deer hits on the highway will often lead to someone quickly getting a tag to pick it up and get it processed, the idea of eating Road Kill takes on a whole new meaning.  Eeewwww...

Perhaps the best moments of the past week have no photos to accompany them.  Sometimes you just have to put down the camera and be part of the world.  Small town kids hit Vegas as they all excitedly asked if we could go up in the glass elevator just one more time.  Seeing them with an inexpensive pleasure of playing pinball machines as we blew a little time at the Pinball Museum where Matthew happily declared it was like a casino for kids.  Watching from afar as they pointed to the dolphins that happened to be swimming right up at the shoreline when they were out wading in the Pacific.

The one I will not soon forget is standing at night in the middle of the bright neon lit Fremont Street in Las Vegas after having spent the afternoon walking the Strip with its Gucci and Rolex stores.  I loved it as we explored Fremont Street, with all its cheesy gift shops, street performers, and live bands and having the kids all declare that THIS was more like it, and THIS was what Las Vegas should be, that it felt more real and human.  Better yet, seeing their undisguised surprise and delight as the neon went dark, and suddenly overhead the entire three block long TV screen started showing a creative video put together with images to accompany Don McLean's "American Pie".  Thousands of people stopped dead in their tracks and starting singing, "Bye, Bye Miss American Pie, Drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry..."  Watching their upturned faces take it all in, swaying as we all sang together, looking around me as people of all races were joined with our family in a common experience was a real treat.  

Elevators and 1970's singer songwriters, grandmas and sloppy slipped cakes, hours long car drives and stepping over wet towels and ever-bigger bodies in tiny hotel rooms.  These are the special moments.  I treasure them, one and all.

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Kyrgyz Celebration...Kyrgyz Suffering

13 years ago, when we were busily compiling documents, meeting with social workers, and attending adoption classes, I never would have been able to predict what the future would hold.  The beautiful Kazakh baby boy that was born the day after we submitted our initial paperwork awaited us, but little did I know that with our adoption we would be adding others to our family...and I don't mean those that would carry our name.  From coast to coast, and even abroad, we have been so surprised how entering the world of adoption brought the opportunity to celebrate with one another, and to suffer with one another.  This past week brought a little of both.

I can't count the number of times I have found myself coming face to face with people who are technically strangers, yet feel like close friends.  Years of sharing our adoption journeys have created a bond which many might never be able to understand, but these bonds are as real as can be, and they have helped sustain us through interminable waits, or difficult and trying times post adoption.  

In addition to adoptive moms, our lives have been enriched from having met translators, cousins of translators, missionaries, aid workers, social workers, orphanage directors, and many others.  Collectively, they are the most amazing group of individuals that anyone could ever wish to count among their friends.

This week we spent an entire day and evening with friends who have met us through our adoption of Kenny in Kyrgyzstan.  We had the chance to visit with John and Julie Wright, who have been engaged in life saving work in Kyrgyz orphanages and homes for disabled adults, as well as many who are homeless or at risk and living on the edge.  They are lovely and loving, and as authentic as one would ever hope a missionary could be.  Without care for denominational connection, they simply leave themselves open for God to use them however God can.  And how they have been used!

Kyrgyzstan is the minority in our home, with four Kazakhs and two Americans, so we try to make every effort we can to help Kenny know that we consider his country just as important.  That's one reason we look forward to any opportunity to be with folks who treasure Kyrgyzstan.  Kenny is older than almost all the kids that ever made it home from Kyrg, consequently many of his adopted countrymates are 5 years old or so.  It doesn't matter, he still loves having the chance to be with those who are from his old home.  

I enjoy being around moms who understand a little of what our life is all about.  We speak a language others can't interpret, a language filled with abbreviations and  city names that are unfamiliar.  It is a language that often reveals the losses our children have suffered, the hurts we have attempted to help heal, and the sights and smells we can never forget that will haunt us for the remainder of our lives...eyes that belong to unnamed orphans looking up at us, the particular shade of blue/green on orphanage walls throughout the former Soviet Union, the sight of children being force fed as quickly as possible as they try not to gag on their food.

But the conversation doesn't end there, and after a purging of sorts, what dominates is joy!  We marvel at how beloved sons and daughters have grown and are thriving, we watch with huge grins as we joke about future arranged marriages, and we talk about the same sorts of things mothers everywhere have talked about for centuries.  Underneath it all though, is the belief that each and every one of us has been given a gift so very precious that words can never quite express it...but we understand that as we gaze upon the children surrounding us and think of how far they have come.

Lovely Mamas

Yes, he is my real Daddy!  There are no "fake" daddys!

And yes, they are REAL brothers!!! Hahaha!

Love my virtual friends, especially when they become "real" friends! :-)  Here are the Melissas...two of them!

A room full of children who not all that long ago were alone in the world.

Is there any more beautiful sight than belonging?

Just as the Moms need their time to be together and share, so do the kids.  Even if the words don't come easily, simply sitting around a table with kids whose lives include the same experiences helps you feel more "normal".  It's a shame older kids don't have more opportunities to get together.

Hmmm...this mom looks a little more like she "fits" with the boys!  

Who cares who fits with who.  In this group, it is hearts that match and are the only thing that matter.

Everyone had SO much fun!  Nine hours later, it felt like we had barely started partying!

John treated everyone to a Central Asian feast...and it was scrumptious.  I so wished Dominick could have been standing at the grill with him, they would have had such fun!

Familiar foods...and safe to eat, unlike our doubts in Kaz and Kyrg!

Yummy bread!

Three countries...Kazakhstan, Taiwan, Kyrgyzstan.

Three Mommies...real moms with real kids.

Less than 12 hours later, these smiles would turn somber as we all learned that the chances for the remaining Kyrgyz children to come home to their families was pretty much washed away.  The only adoption agency who was accredited to work in Kyrgyzstan declared bankruptcy Friday morning, leaving families with no recourse to be refunded tens of thousands of dollars paid in fees, and with almost no hope.  For many of the families, this is the second agency they worked with to have closed its doors (one of them was our old agency).  Faces of children longed for and prayed for by so many flashed before us as we felt the sorrow and heartache of those mommies...real mommies...whose children will likely never find their way home to them.

Amir is one of these remaining children.  Kenny's buddy whose committed family has waited five years to bring him home, may never tuck him in at night.  The parents of all these kids have gone through so much, they have made trips to Kyrgyzstan, they have advocated relentlessly for their children's adoptions, they have paid fees over and over again, redone dossiers multiple times, had hopes lifted only to be dashed, and have done everything humanly possible to gain traction for their children's lives to be saved.  They are an inspiration to us all, and our hearts break with you, for we have never forgotten your precious children.  

Why?  Why did our children make it home while others never will?  Oh, we know...we know our children are no more deserving than the ones left behind, and there is a little survivor's guilt associated with all of this as I post photos here on the blog of smiling, happy faces of children who did make it home to their forever families.  It is why we can't forget, it is why others may never understand why adoption and birth countries remain part of our lives forever, because you can't just walk away.  We have friends bound for the streets if someone doesn't do something, we have friends in Petropavlovsk and Bishkek who are aging out of the orphanages even as I type this tonight, and they have nowhere to go.  There are children whose brains are not developing which will effect them for the rest of their lives, there are children whose lack of decent nutrition is right now causing rickets and other abnormalities, there are children for whom the lack of one on one care is doing irreparable damage to their souls.

So, while we celebrate, we also mourn.  Every conversation is tinged with the knowledge that be it in Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, China, or Africa...there are children who will never have what our own children now have.

It's why we need the John and Julie Wrights of this world.

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